3 minutes
About a year after I got married, I read the book, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. The message of the book is that people feel appreciated in different ways, and it's important to understand your significant other's primary love language. I discovered my husband's love language is acts of service, which means he feels love when I do things like make him dinner or relieve him of a task, such as calling the pest company. My primary love language is words of affirmation, which means I feel loved when my husband expresses his love and appreciation verbally. We realized our languages are very different, and that we needed to show love and appreciation in the other person's language for it to be effective and meaningful.
Did you know your employees each have a primary appreciation language? As a leader, you can significantly impact engagement, productivity, and loyalty by understanding the appreciation language of each individual and tailoring your recognition so it's more meaningful to that specific employee.
Chapman and his colleague Paul White share the different appreciation languages in their book, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. Not everyone likes to be appreciated and recognized in the same way, and this book provides leaders insight into how to understand their employees as individuals and express appreciation in a way that will have an impact. There's a quiz in the book you can have each of your employees take to get a specialized report of their appreciation language.
Chapman and White indicate that a mistake many leaders make is expressing appreciation to others through their own appreciation language. We tend to think others like to be appreciated how we like to be appreciated, so it's important to understand that employees’ primary language may be different from your own.
The five languages of appreciation are:
- Words of affirmation: verbal praise, verbally acknowledging character or personality traits, or written affirmation like a personal note.
- Tangible gifts: a gift the employee values (this is different for everyone).
- Quality time: giving an employee your undivided attention. This could be a quality conversation, asking questions, meeting regularly, or shared experiences like going to lunch together.
- Acts of service: demonstrating appreciation by offering assistance or pitching in to help.
- Physical touch: clearly it needs to be appropriate for the work environment. Examples include a firm handshake, a pat on the back or a high-five.
Even within these languages, there are different dialects, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Two employees can have the same primary appreciation language, but value different approaches. For example, I had two employees whose primary language was words of affirmation, yet one appreciated public praise and the other appreciated being praised in private. And while we all have a primary language, most people have a secondary language and may even appreciate recognition through several of the languages. The key is knowing each employee and tailoring your approach to deliver the best impact.
One of the most important factors that determines your success as a leader is how you handle your relationships. Creating a high-functioning team of committed, happy and productive employees is vital to long-term success. This simple exercise will give you the information you need to better manage each of your employees so you can positively impact your department culture and strengthen your relationships with your employees.
Laurie J. Maddalena, MBA, CPCC, PHR, is a certified executive coach, consultant and founder of Envision Excellence, LLC, Rockville, Md. She was also an HR executive at a $450 million credit union. Contact her at 240.605.7940 or lmaddalena@envisionexcellence.net.
