From Reactive to Respected

As professionals step into management roles and progress in their careers, they often seek growth through industry conferences and leadership development programs. These programs typically emphasize external leadership skills—coaching, strategic planning, navigating difficult conversations, fostering accountability, and sharpening strategic thinking. 

While these are important skills for effective leadership, many programs fall short in addressing leadership holistically. True leadership maturity requires more than tactical skills; it demands deep personal development—challenging limiting beliefs, cultivating self-awareness, and strengthening leadership presence.

An important leadership skill is having the personal and business maturity to constructively handle challenges, interactions, and issues. 

As a leadership development consultant and executive coach, I often see well-intentioned managers and executives focus heavily on the technical aspects of leadership—what they do—while neglecting a deeper understanding of themselves. Their preferences, beliefs, values, and leadership style all shape how they lead and, more importantly, how they impact those around them.

Kara, a vice president at a credit union, came to executive coaching because she had been passed over for a promotion to a chief position in favor of an external candidate. She wanted to work on some feedback she received from the CEO so she could position herself better for future opportunities. 

After a few coaching sessions, I noticed a pattern. Kara started most of our sessions complaining about everyone around her—her manager, her peers and her team. On multiple occasions, she shared that colleagues frequently sought her advice due to her long tenure with the company. However, rather than guiding them toward productive solutions, she was unintentionally fueling their negative emotions under the guise of support. Instead of coaching them on how to navigate challenges constructively, she reinforced their frustrations—validating their perspective in a way that kept them stuck. 

As a result, rather than empowering her colleagues to focus on what they could control and influence for a positive outcome, she left them feeling justified in their grievances but no closer to resolution. Her approach to challenges, issues, and relationships were often rooted in validation rather than finding solutions, keeping herself and others trapped in a cycle of frustration and inaction. Instead of fostering growth and resilience, she unintentionally reinforced a culture of blame and divisiveness. Her lack of leadership maturity was not only negatively impacting her current performance and influence, but holding her back from advancing in her career. 

Leadership maturity is the ability to lead with self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a long-term perspective, balancing both the tactical and human elements of leadership. It reflects a leader’s capacity to navigate challenges with composure, take ownership of their impact, and continuously evolve. 

A mature leader moves beyond simply managing tasks and making decisions—they cultivate trust, empower others, and foster a culture of accountability and growth. They recognize that leadership is not just about what they do but who they are, how they show up, and the example they set.

At its core, leadership maturity is about shifting from a self-focused approach to a people-centered, influential leadership style that prioritizes purpose, integrity, and sustainable success. 

Leadership maturity is what separates exceptional leaders from the rest. It’s the foundation for executive effectiveness and sustained high performance. Highly effective leaders have a presence that is grounded, reflective, and intentional in their actions and decisions. 

In contrast, some managers fall into toxic habits that erode team culture—complaining, blaming, back-channeling, avoidance, and projection. These leaders often feel justified in their frustrations and behaviors, convinced that external circumstances or other people are the problem, rather than recognizing their own role in perpetuating negativity and dysfunction. They create a ripple effect, undermining trust, engagement, and overall performance. These leaders often respond to conflict, challenges, and stress with defensiveness and self-preservation, feeding into the very dysfunction that holds their teams back. They approach situations through a self-focused lens, assessing challenges based on how they personally feel—how they are perceived, whether they are right, or how their authority is affected. This ego-driven perspective can lead to defensiveness, power struggles, and short-sighted decision-making.

Here are examples of a lack of business maturity:

• Talking about someone instead of having a conversation with them (back channeling).
• Complaining and blaming instead of having the courage to have a challenging conversation.
• Not speaking up in a meeting when you disagree because you don’t want to cause friction.
• Having a meeting after the meeting with select colleagues to discuss what you really think.
• Making decisions or forming conclusions based on individual or department impact rather than organizational impact (siloed thinking). 
• Becoming defensive when someone disagrees or shares constructive feedback.
• Being distracted during team meetings (checking phone, etc.) instead of focused and present.
• Digging in on your perspective instead of admitting fault or being open to changing your mind.
• Reacting to circumstances instead of pausing and responding.
• Staying in the weeds or task-focused work because it’s easier than stepping into leadership responsibilities.
• Seeing interactions and situations from your perspective and not considering other perspectives. 
• Favoring decisions that personally benefit you instead of the organization (for example, arguing for higher raises for your own benefit, when the team is discussing why the financial situation doesn’t support higher raises this year). 

These actions and behaviors contribute to an ineffective, toxic team and organizational culture. Only by elevating the business maturity practices of the leaders can a culture move away from dysfunction to thriving. 

This is not easy all the time. We all have moments of frustration and stress, and at times may react emotionally rather than respond intentionally. The real work of leaders is understanding these emotional triggers and building awareness around them so that you can purposefully manage stressful situations. 

Mature leaders, on the other hand, take a higher approach—one that prioritizes resolution, progress, and the greater good over personal validation. Instead of reacting emotionally or protecting their own image, they focus on navigating challenges with maturity, emotional regulation, and intention. This shift from self-preservation to purpose-driven leadership is what enables them to foster trust, stability, and long-term success. 

Here are examples of leadership maturity:

• When a colleague approaches you to complain about someone, you validate their feelings, and then guide and support them to determine how they will handle the situation. 
• Addressing issues directly and professionally instead of back-channeling—having a respectful conversation with the person involved rather than talking about them behind their back.
• Initiating honest, solution-focused conversations instead of complaining and blaming—approaching challenges with courage and a commitment to resolution.
• When a team member is underperforming, facilitating a constructive conversation with specific feedback.
• Listening to other people’s perspectives, and being open to changing your mind. 
• Speaking up with confidence and professionalism when you disagree in a meeting, contributing to productive discussions rather than avoiding friction.
• Engaging openly in meetings rather than having a "meeting after the meeting" to voice unspoken concerns—sharing perspectives transparently in the right forum.
• Receiving feedback with openness and curiosity, seeing it as an opportunity for growth rather than reacting defensively.
• Being fully present in meetings, actively listening and contributing instead of being distracted by devices or side conversations.
• Demonstrating humility by acknowledging mistakes and being open to new perspectives, rather than stubbornly digging in on a viewpoint.
• Pausing and responding thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally to challenges or unexpected situations.
• Stepping into leadership responsibilities with confidence, focusing on strategy, coaching, and vision rather than retreating into task-based work because it's more comfortable.
• Prioritizing the organization’s best interests over personal gain—advocating for fair, strategic decisions even when they don’t personally benefit you.

Leadership maturity isn’t about perfection—it’s about self-awareness, intentionality, and the willingness to rise above reactive tendencies to lead with integrity, composure, and a focus on what truly moves teams and organizations forward. 

To cultivate leadership maturity, you must commit to continuous growth—deepening self-awareness, refining your emotional intelligence, and developing the mindset and behaviors that inspire trust, accountability, and long-term success.

Laurie Maddalena, MBA, CSP, CPCC, is a certified executive coach, leadership consultant and founder of CUES Supplier member Envision Excellence LLC in the Washington, D.C., area. Her mission is to create exceptional cultures by teaching leaders how to be exceptional. Maddalena facilitates management and executive training programs and team-building sessions and speaks at leadership events. Prior to starting her business, she was an HR executive at a $450 million credit union. Contact her at 240.605.7940 or info@lauriemaddalena.com