By Daisy Nelson White, Ph.D.
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| What impact does your 'wake' have on those around you? |
As each of us travels through our day--at work, at home, and in the larger community--it is vital to our own success to be aware of the impact we have on others. The measure of our impact--positive or less-than-positive--is our emotional intelligence quotient. We gauge EQ by four factors: how self-aware we are, how aware we are of our impact on others, how in control of our own behavior we are, and how effectively we manage relationships with others. Our actions have the potential for a positive or a negative effect on those with whom we come in contact.
At White Ridgely Associates, we call this impact your emotional “wake.”
Picture yourself as a sleek, comfortable yacht negotiating a narrow channel where other boats are docked. As you pass them by, notice the effect of your wake on them. Are the other boats gently bobbing on the placid ripples created by your passage? Or are they negatively affected by your churning wake that sends them crashing into their moorings, even coming loose and splintering apart?
Do you notice that some of the other boats are tied securely with bumpers between them and the dock? Regardless of the size of the wake they encounter, they remain safe. Others are tied without a buffer or not tied up at all. Even if you go slowly, your small wake can negatively affect other boats that are not tied well. To maximize your success, you must be aware of your wake and its effect (or potential effect) on others. Emotional intelligence also includes being aware of the wake (emotions) of others. You can use this knowledge to be more effective in working with others--your "clients," if you will.
Each of us has seven "client" categories on whom what we do has an effect and whose expectations of us we must manage successfully: self, family, boss, peers, reports, internal colleagues, and wider community. Make it safe and convenient for each group to communicate with you; listen to each person's expectations and successfully negotiate a mutually beneficial plan; and execute what you, as well as they, have committed to do.
We can help you be aware of your "wake" and adjust your "speed." Below is one exercise to help, depending on which client you're dealing with:
Choose an occasion (either professional or personal) and notice ways in which one person from your client categories reacts to what you are saying. Observe this person's body language as well as their verbal conversation. Notice the ratio of your questions to your statements. Are you making more statements or asking more questions? Those with a reasonably high EQ are good listeners, and genuinely interested in the opinions of others. Typically, they will ask more questions. Do you actively listen to others with an open mind or, while they are speaking, do you tend to be thinking about what you will say next? Are you comfortable asking this person to tell you one thing you can do to help them be more successful, you be more effective, and build a stronger relationship between the two of you?
Please share your experiences with this exercise in the comments!
Daisy Nelson White, Ph.D., is president of White Ridgely Associates, Savannah, Ga.
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