When Growth Feels Uncomfortable

A week after my new book, The Elevated Leader, was published, I was feeling excited and energized. I was recording podcasts, hosting a virtual launch party, connecting with clients, and enjoying this milestone in so many ways.

Leading up to the book launch, there were a lot of moving parts behind the scenes — inviting people to the launch team, coordinating podcast interviews, tracking orders, organizing events, and encouraging reviews. All meaningful and necessary work.

I was busier than usual, and spending more time on social media than I typically do. Both pulled me out of my normal rhythm. The pace, the visibility, and anticipation created a heightened energy that felt more frenetic than grounded.

And then, once the initial wave of celebration and movement slowed down, I felt myself drop into what professional speakers call “The Dip.”

The Dip is the emotional and energetic reset after a period of peak excitement. After a keynote or a big moment, there’s a natural high. But when the adrenaline settles, and life returns to its normal pace, your energy can feel lower, quieter, even a bit flat.

It’s in that quieter space, after the activity, after the build-up, that our inner critic can get louder.

One day I’m celebrating the excitement of the launch, and a few days later, I’m wondering:
“Am I doing enough?”
“Is this going well?”
“Am I emailing my community too much? Will people get annoyed?”
“Maybe I shouldn’t put my book out there too much”

My inner critic was doing what it always does in moments of expansion — trying to protect me from being seen, from taking risks, from stepping fully into the next version of myself.

One of my favorite books, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, describes how when we stretch into new levels of success or visibility, we can experience an internal “upper limit”—a psychological threshold where discomfort, doubt, or self-sabotage shows up. Not because we’re unprepared, but because our nervous system is adjusting to a new level of growth. When we move beyond our comfort zone, our brain interprets that as uncertainty, and it does what it’s designed to do—it tries to keep us safe. Often this shows up as hesitation, second-guessing, or wanting to go back to what’s familiar and comfortable.

Leaders often experience this in very normal moments:

• You’re promoted into a bigger role, and even though you’ve earned it, you suddenly feel pressure to prove yourself, and self-doubt kicks in.
• You’re asked to lead a visible project or speak to the board, and your confidence wavers even though you know the work inside and out.
• You start leading with more presence and intention, and then old patterns pull you back toward being busy, reactive, or in the weeds.
• You hire a talented new team member, and you wonder if you’re equipped to lead them well.

These aren’t signs of weakness. These are very normal reactions to growth. They’re signs that you are expanding beyond your previous identity.

Growth always comes with an internal adjustment period where your outer world has moved forward, but your inner world is still catching up.

This is especially common for high achievers.

You’re used to feeling competent and in control. You thrive on excellence, results, and certainty. So, when you step into something new, it can often feel deeply uncomfortable.

The unfamiliar activates your brain’s need for safety and predictability. Suddenly, that discomfort triggers your inner critic to start focusing on what could go wrong.

Instead of focusing on what’s possible, it focuses on the worst-case scenarios, not because you’re failing or unprepared, but because your mind is trying to pull you back to the familiar—to the place where things feel certain and predictable.

Even when we’re ready for more, a part of us tries to return to what’s familiar simply because it feels safer.
And this is where our internal dialogue becomes important.

We each have two competing voices:

• The Inner Critic, whose job is to keep us in the familiar (and keep us safe) by highlighting every possible risk, flaw, or shortcoming.
• The Inner Coach, who speaks from wisdom, experience, and possibility—reminding us of our strengths, our purpose, and what we’re capable of.

When we’re stretching into something new, the Inner Critic tends to speak louder. Not because it’s right, but because it’s trying to protect us from the discomfort of growth.

Recognizing the inner critic is an important first step to shifting yourself to your Inner Coach. You can honor that your Inner Critic is just trying to protect you, and then consciously shift to your Inner Coach.

In The Elevated Leader, I share a simple but powerful practice for moments like this: Pause, notice who’s talking—and invite your Inner Coach into the conversation.

Ask yourself:

“What would my Inner Coach say right now?”

That single question can shift your internal dialogue from judgment to encouragement.

Another powerful strategy is to call on your Future Self—the wiser, more grounded version of you who can bring perspective and a more strategic view to the situation.

When I start to spiral into doubt, I ask:

“What would my 90-year-old self say to me in this moment?”

When I asked my Future Self about my feelings around the book, this is what she said:
You are courageous for writing this book, you put a lot of heart and effort into it, and what you are doing is enough. When you put yourself into the world in a bigger way, you open yourself to criticism, but you also open yourself to greater impact. Keep doing what you are doing, and stay connected to your purpose.

Leadership isn’t about never feeling doubt—it’s about trusting yourself to move forward despite it.

You can acknowledge the fear without letting it take over.

You can hear the Inner Critic and still choose to listen to your Inner Coach.

Every time you do, you strengthen your ability to lead with confidence, clarity, and intention.

As I’ve moved through this book launch, I’ve had to remind myself of this in real time. The Dip didn’t mean something was wrong, it means I am expanding. The inner critic didn’t show up because I wasn’t ready, it showed up because I was stepping into a new level of visibility, impact, and growth. And as I continued to reconnect with my Inner Coach and ask my future, wiser self for guidance, I felt more grounded. The book launch has been meaningful and energizing—not because it’s been perfect, but because I’m stretching into the next version of who I’m becoming.

Read more about Laurie’s new book, The Elevated Leader.

Laurie Maddalena, MBA, CSP, CPCC, is a professional speaker, leadership consultant and founder of CUES Supplier member Envision Excellence LLC in the Washington, D.C., area. Her mission is to rid the world of bad management practices and help organizations create cultures where people love to come to work. Maddalena facilitates management and executive training programs and team-building sessions and speaks at leadership events. Prior to starting her business, she was a human resources and organizational development executive at a credit union in Maryland. Contact her at 240.605.7940 or laurie@lauriemaddalena.com